Story 178
Female. At Citi for more than ten years. UK.
At one point my manager a male MD pursued me relentlessly. I did not report it. My belief, right or wrong, was that HR existed primarily to protect the senior person, not me.
Speaking up felt indistinguishable from career suicide, so I handled the situation quietly and alone, eventually taking stress leave. The entire system is built so that you feel you must endure it. You feel you have no standing unless you have your manager’s approval, and if your manager is the problem, you have nothing. Eventually the person moved lucky, perhaps but it took a year and a half.
Ironically, when you present yourself as fragile or unwell, the system becomes supportive. The moment you assert independence, you are punished, as it threatens the fragile confidence of your immediate managers (male or female).
The qualities that should make you great at your job building things, solving real problems, serving clients are the same qualities that make you bad at the game. Because the game does not reward the work. It rewards the presentation of the work to the right person.
When you appear weak and fragile, you are protected but you are also not promoted.
If you are ambitious and you want to do things, you are either pushed out or isolated.
There is nowhere for you to succeed.