The journey after speaking up
I am writing this from my own personal experience of going through a full-fledged investigation at a local bank, in a country where NDAs are conveniently used to suppress matters. If sharing my experience helps even one woman who is at the beginning of this journey, then it is worth writing about.
When our personal boundaries are compromised, whether physically or verbally, we take it personally. It affects our self-respect, and we want to report the matter, either to our immediate line manager or to HR.
What follows can be the beginning of a very harrowing journey. I want to share what can happen once you report it, so that, if you ever find yourself in this position, you are at least prepared for what may lie ahead.
There is another issue that is particularly relevant in banking and other international industries. A lot of these incidents happen during business travel, where people are travelling across jurisdictions. Some men take liberties in these situations because they know that the cross-border nature of the incident can create legal and practical complications for the woman who wants to report it.
Even when you approach the police or authorities in the country where you live, you may be told that the incident falls outside their jurisdiction because it happened in another country. You can then find yourself being passed between jurisdictions, with neither side willing or able to take the matter forward. The cross-border element can therefore become another reason why women simply choose not to report what happened to them.
Obviously, every organisation is different, but these are some of the things you need to bear in mind:
* If the person in question is senior, has significant equity in the organisation, or contributes substantially to the business, the business head may try to protect him at all costs.
* Once you decide to escalate the matter to HR, the CEO or the Board, the legal team will usually become involved. The focus can shift quickly towards evidence, process and protecting the organisation. The woman reporting the matter may find herself having to provide extensive evidence, while the organisation’s legal team scrutinises her account and looks for inconsistencies that can be used to challenge it.
* Even where there is clear evidence, such as written messages acknowledging what the woman was subjected to, that evidence may be disputed, minimised or disregarded. The process can leave the woman feeling that the central question is no longer what happened to her, but how the organisation can contain the matter and protect itself.
* Then the cycle begins. Your reputation starts being tarnished so that anything you say is questioned or disbelieved. Different versions of events start circulating. In some cases, they may try to move you to a different team so that it can be business as usual for everyone else.
* You will hear a lot of assurances. You will be told that they are trying to protect you, that they will do what is fair, and that the investigation will be independent and fair.
* But there can be serious concerns around confidentiality. In some cases, recorded interviews may be leaked to the person being investigated, allowing him to prepare his defence. Details from your interview may find their way to his lawyers, who can then construct a response around what you have said.
* By this point, your support system can become very small. Banking is a relatively small industry. People you thought were friends may distance themselves. You may have to find a therapist simply to deal with the emotional consequences of what you are going through.
* Eventually, you may be told that there is insufficient evidence. By then, the organisation may have already begun preparing the individual to leave on favourable terms. He may resign, receive a positive background check and move on.
* In many such cases, it stops being about whether sexual harassment actually occurred and becomes about protecting the reputation of the organisation. The organisation’s priority can become containing the situation, protecting the business and managing its own exposure. The man is allowed to resign and move on, while the woman who spoke up is left to carry the consequences.
* The woman can then be made to feel like an idiot for having spoken up in the first place. Her credibility is questioned, her motives are scrutinised, and she can ultimately become the person who is perceived as having caused the problem rather than the person who reported it.
* At the same time, discussions may begin around terminating your employment. You may be given the option to resign voluntarily. An NDA can then become part of the trade-off, particularly if you want a positive background check and hope to continue your career in banking.
* If there is evidence on any of your digital devices or accounts, protect it. Do not assume that your personal or professional accounts are beyond reach. Protect your digital trail, secure your accounts and create independent backups of your evidence. They can hack and compromise your accounts to get sensitive data from your devices.
* And then comes another part of the journey that people do not talk about enough. Once you have spoken up and want to put the matter behind you and move forward with your career, you may find that people do not want to hire you because you have spoken up about sexual harassment.
* Sexual harassment is still treated as a taboo in many workplaces. Instead of seeing the person who reported it as someone who raised a legitimate concern, there can be a perception that you are a troublemaker simply because you spoke up.
* Then there is the boys’ network, which can be extremely strong. By this stage, the man may have moved on. He becomes the person who has supposedly been through a difficult experience. He is given the benefit of the doubt.
* The woman who reported the sexual harassment can instead become the person whose version is questioned. Her narrative is described as fabricated, exaggerated or unreliable.
* Your mental health suffers. You lose income. You lose friends. You lose trust in the system that was supposed to protect you.
This is the journey of a whistleblower in sexual harassment matters in many organisations and across jurisdictions.
You may have to make a thousand people believe something that happened behind closed doors, and many of them will never believe you. Your version may not be the one that gets repeated. Their version will.
Please get emotional support. Do not underestimate how difficult it is to move forward or heal from this. Sometimes you never do!